Final Images: A Retrospective

I can't possibly ever capture Lola's full and complete love of life. These images are a tiny glimpse - the rest is up to you to imagine. She's checked or x-ed herself in the photos and the little notes are hers. I always wondered why she did that and, when I was younger, I remember actually x-ing my face in a few class photos... Woteva. (Actually, there are a couple of photos where she's x-ed mama, but she's beside mama to the right in one and to the left in other.

Solemn Goodbyes

I'm not a big proponent of photos at funerals, but I knew I had to take a few for family who were not able to come. Thank goodness for Mary Gail's help. So, this particular post is not for the faint of heart, but it is especially for family who were not present to bid farewell...

The viewing & prayers were on 3 August at Ocean View Funeral Home. The funeral mass was at St. Patrick Church on 7 August. She is interred at Heaven's Gate at Ocean View Cemetery. (Some of these photos are courtesy of Mary Gail.)

REALITIES

Lola passed away last night. I brought lolo with me for the evening's visit intending to post something more raw about how lola's body had deteriorated and perhaps to steal some moments between them - I hadn't realized the finality of it all...




Lola seemed to have made a drastic turn when lolo and I first walked in. Malou, who had come in shortly after us, said that she looked like she had wilted. It was the truth. She wasn't responsive at all and her breathing was laboured. I had seen this before, I thought, surely she'd perk up soon. It honestly felt like something was seeping out of her, but I couldn't name it at the time. So we continued just chillin', listening to Harry Belafonte, and lola seemed to be tapping and squeezing my hand to the beat of the islands.


Malou left with lolo around 1930 and I hung out a little while longer. She didn't want to go, I could tell, but she also knew that lolo needed to get back. I know she wishes she came back - heck, I wish I hadn't left! The reality is that none of us had the proverbial hindsight-is-20/20.

Lola stayed pretty much the same and for a brief moment I thought about what Jeremy had been afraid of since the beginning, that lola would pass while I (or whoever) was there. I wasn't afraid, the thought just entered my head and I let it stew for a while; I decided that it was hooey and that lola was just having a bad day - it was about 3000 degrees today, she just needed to get cool. I left shortly afterwards, close to eight. When I was taking my leave, I asked her to wait as long as she could for Uncle Buddy. I think mama knew, too, that death was close - she had made that comment this past Sunday night after she and papa visited - and she called while I was there last night saying the same thing.

"Wala na talaga. Hindi siya kumakain... I hope Uncle Buddy will make it."

I suppose it was lola's infinite wisdom to pass after I left. She probably did not want to impose on anyone's conscience by "dying on their watch" and so she waited. And at 2210, she decided it was time.

It's perhaps serendipitous that lolo was able to see her. He whispered something into her ear before he left and I remember thinking, "That's about as real as you can get." I have no idea what I mean by that nor do I know anything about what lolo said, but it must have been good, because lola could hardly wait to tell the secret to her Maker!




Malou phoned me shortly before 2300 with the news. She was crying. I didn't bat an eye - I can't explain it. I cried when I picked up Nikka and Chris and when we got to the hospice, and even now, but I suppose on the phone earlier I felt relieved, too. It was over. No more aching; no more coughing. And, when I saw her lying there, I knew she was at peace.

"NO TEETH!"

Mary Gail brought her computer to the hospice the other day and managed to access a WiFi connection. She showed lola the blog - mostly the photos...

Now, if you don't know already, lola is old school, traditional, hard core feminine attire and manners. Half slips ("Happy Slip"), kamisons, stockings, coiffed hair (she never let it go grey), make-up, etc. Most people I know shy away from photos because they think they're having a bad hair day or they have no make up; lola is always ready for a photo and in the past, she insisted I develop the photos and give her copies. What a narcissist, eh?

It shouldn't be a suprise, then, that as Mary Gail is showing lola the photos on the blog, lola smiles and nods approvingly (and politely) at each photo and then, pointing shakily, she says (quite loudly with that tsk-tsk-tsk sound that I already said doesn't belong in quotations), "No teeth!"

FIGHTING BOREDOM

Lola is sick of the pureéd food and the meal replacements - but she can't chew anything and she doesn't really know what she's hungry for (other than "coffee and bread" which she requested the other night, when Malou and Mary Gail slept over and during my last couple of visits). Heck, look how unimpressed she is with water (which is probably not difficult - water IS boring, but she doesn't like juice or anything maasim). She's quite strong still and often insists on holding the glass herself since she can get more than the one little, cautious sip any one of us gives her because we're too afraid of drowning her!

Lola loves going outside - hanging in the garden - so much that it's almost become a daily routine. This is a good thing, but she can't sit in the wheel chair for too long. What to do then for the remaining hours of the day? Emo-Dramas only last a couple of hours. The news, which is another thing she likes to watch, lasts only half an hour. She can only sleep and watch television for so many hours in a row.


She laughs often when we joke around about what she does all day. Sometimes she pretends not to hear:

"WHHHAT?"

She takes a long, dramatic blink, presses her lips tightly, and nods. You can tell that she totally plays up her boredom - probably in order to not be bored... if that makes any sense!

Go Outside Already

When I walked in at lunch time today, lola was wide, wide awake practically ready to whip off her own covers as soon as she saw me. I knew she was waiting for me to say, "Lola, do you want to go outside?"



She smiled. "Yah."

Last night, lola said to Mary Gail the same thing she had said to me earlier that day: "We did not go outside." Mary Gail made a careful note of this. Clearly, she wanted TO GO OUTSIDE. I had promised that we'd go next time I came to visit and she was ready to collect. The woman does not forget!

I asked her if she wanted to eat first.

"Later."

It was nice to see her in fairly good spirits.

We were in the garden for about half an hour before she told me she was hungry. So we went back up to her room to try and eat what Malou usually just calls cream-coloured mush, orange-coloured mush, and green-coloured mush. (Lola will NOT ever touch the green-coloured mush.) She made a face after each one. I don't blame her - it doesn't ever look appetizing, but it's a choking hazard otherwise and the cream-coloured mush is usually pretty good... I've tried it. We had a nice time joking around about what she can eat and then, of course, it was Daytime Emo-Drama time!

Sportin' The New Do

Lola got a haircut yesterday. You can't tell from this angle, but it's very Halle Berry. (Minus the ginger colour, of course.) She's actually smiling here and she giggled a little bit when I showed her the photo.


We just hung out today watching all the soaps - don't ask me which ones because I have no clue. (They should rename them "Daytime Emo-Dramas" or would that be redundant?)

Just when she was about to fall asleep, she says, "We did not go outside."

Oops.

I should have guessed that she wanted to go again seeing as she had such a great time yesterday afternoon. I told her we'd go next time. She nodded and closed her already-droopy eyes.